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Download PDF by Patrick Regan: An Old-Fashioned Christmas

By Patrick Regan

Not anything captures the magic of Christmas just like the drooling face of a kid and a cheap-ass little faux tree. —An outdated Christmas

within the culture of vacations on Ice and undesirable Santa, Patrick Regan counters saccharine seasonal sentiment with a dose of holiday-noir.

take note Christmases of outdated? less complicated instances, while four-year-old orphans have been used for marketplace study and Santa may well name a stunning elf candy Cheeks and never get slapped with a sexual harassment suit?

In an old style Christmas, writer Patrick Regan collects photographs from the golden days of Christmas and pairs them with wryly sardonic captions to provide a reminder of what Christmas is absolutely all about-namely, hobos, orphans, boozed-up Santas, pill-popping housewives, and the shattered goals of lovely children.

enthusiasts of Regan's The ebook of undesirable behavior will take twisted get pleasure from his skewering of the main adored (and overstuffed) vacation of all. The Nineteen Forties, '50s, and '60s-vintage pictures are atypical adequate all alone, but if Regan's caustic captions begin flying, no culture is secure from mockery.

Christmas simply ain't what it was once, and judging from the subversive gem stones during this extra naughty-than-nice booklet, we must always all be super thankful for that.

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Additional resources for An Old-Fashioned Christmas

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And sure 'tis the mem'ry that gives me a pain; For scarce had I been in the tavern a minute Whin I fell a victim to Widow MacShane! 'Twas she was the landlord that thrated me dacent, And put me to bed wid a brick in me head; And put some more bricks in a bottle adjacent To kape out the cowld whin me arrum was bled. And be the same token I came for to love her, And ask'd her to thry the high-menial line; She called me " an in-sin-i-z/a-tin' young rover," And put her big mout on a fayture of mine!

Or only a trifle bigger Than the elves who surround the throne Of the Faery Queen, and are seen, I ween, By mortals in dreams alone? What her eyes were like, I know not: Perhaps they were blurr'd with tears; And perhaps in your skies there glow not (On the contrary) clearer spheres. N o ! as to her eyes I am just as wise As you or the cat, my dears. Her teeth, I presume, were " pearly: " But which was she, brunette or blonde? Her hair, was it quaintly curly, Or as straight as a beadle's wand ? That I fail'd to remark; — it was rather dark And shadowy round the pond.

What pass ? " the anxious father cried; " 'Twas the'r monopoly," the boy replied. In deference to the public, we must state That boy has been an orphan since that date. A TREASURY OF HUMOROUS POETRY 39 NfiOPHYTE Last night a zealous Irishman in town, Meeting a Jew, squared off and knocked him down. " Mike simply said: " Bedad, ye may be right, But then — I only heard of it last night! " And striking out reckless again, and loose, Becomes a martyr — in the calaboose. Theology and ignorance combined Make bigotry, and that makes all men blind; And streams of ruin from this common source Have swept the world with devastating force.

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